200 hours, 7 months, 25 amazing yogis, 2 inspiring and wise teachers and an incredible teaching team. What does that equal? A yoga teacher training program that has transformed me.
All summer I debated whether I should make the financial commitment and invest my time in a yoga teacher training program. I kept asking myself, “You love yoga but can you really teach? And how can you ever teach on the same level as your teachers?”
Self doubt weighed its heavy hand on my chest but my passion and desire to be a teacher allowed me to open my heart. Luckily, my heart won.
Going into training, I was scared. I made the commitment to become a teacher and the idea of failing was incredibly frightening…like I might throw up frightening. Allowing myself to become so vulernable was one of the most humbling experiences I have ever gone through and it was hard.
Expectations of who I should be as a yoga teacher, what I should know and how I should teach became negative thoughts that constantly raced through my mind. I remember one night coming home from training almost in tears since I was so pissed off at myself for not being able to say “savasana” correctly.
I kept thinking to myself, “how can I teach yoga, if I can’t say savasana. It’s not like replacing “utkatasana” with chair pose, since there is not an english word for it and I have to say this word every time I teach!”
Then everything changed in our January training weekend. We spent the whole weekend focused on assisting and alignment. The energy I felt practicing supportive, corrective and deepening assists on my yoga trainees melted my self doubt. I experienced the true power of touch and support. I could feel how my two hands could transform my fellow yoga trainee’s poses and I could feel that energy they were exerting as a result of it. It was amazing. I finally envisioned myself at a yoga teacher; making me want it more than ever.
Changing my attitude transformed me. I began to completely surrender myself to my desire by finally allowing myself to achieve this dream of mine. I believed in myself and how incredible that was!
As I began to make myself more and more vulnerable, I began to realize with the guidance and direction of my teachers that teaching is not all about saying “savasana” correctly. It’s about being authentic. It’s about being you.
Yes, I have trouble saying sanskrit words. I stumble over my words sometimes. I sometimes demo a pose in the wrong place in the room. BUT, I laugh at these moments. I show my students that I’m human and I have my students laugh with me. I have even found that these moments create energy in the room and allow me to connect with my students.
Yoga teacher training transformed me. Never did I know that a yoga teacher training program would not only teach me so much about yoga but open my mind, body and spirit to who I really am.
I cannot thank my beautiful goddess yoga teachers, Bonnie Argo and Chanel Luck, and their amazing teaching team along with my yoga trainees, “my radiant omies,” for this experience. Thank you for making me radiant.